Thursday, April 23, 2009

My Silent Mind

Today I took the boys to the playground. As I have mentioned in the past, they know no limits to their own abilities. They climb with the big kids and love every minute of it.

Today I was helping Lucas across the monkey bars. Just as we reached the other side, I heard Jaxon crying. Quickly I walked over a few feet until he was in my sight and then I ran to help him out. He had woven his arm through a few bars and was basically hanging by his stuck arm. He was in obvious pain, but luckily nothing was broken.

His little face had clean lines from where his tears had rolled over his cheeks and he just cried as I held him. I just kissed his little face and rubbed his arms until he felt better, then coaxed him back out with promises of pushing him on the swing.

Somewhere over to the walk to the swing I realized during the entire incident, I did not have one thought in my head. No underlying panic, no worries about what other parents felt about me not being there when he got hurt, no thoughts what so ever.

Is this a bad thing that my mind is becoming simplified from the rush and all of having the boys? "Mommy brain" if you will. In the past few years things started taking priority in our life and there was no time to even think about things that didn't have to do with the next need that had to be met. What time should we start bottles, what time is the next nap, when is the Dr appointment, where is the Drs office, are all the plugs covered, are there any sharp edges, (I was going to write who bit who, but it didn't matter WHO bit, it only matter who GOT bit so we could take care of them). Besides the immediate issues, everything else just got left behind.

So that is what I saw happen today. I witnessed a blank moment in my mind where even though I was holding and consoling Jaxon, my mind was without a thought. There was no "next" thing to be concerned with. They are finally at an age where I can start to think out of our family box and contemplate about other things in the world.

To compensate and stretch my mommy brain I have begun an ongoing commentary in my brain -noticing more details about trees, plants, building and even sinks in different bathrooms we have been in today.

I feel so out of the loop and hate forcing myself to think, seems to be wasting so much energy on mundane thoughts.

What kind of things do you find yourself think about during the day -that is NOT child related? I need some ideas to feed my brain :)

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