Tuesday, August 08, 2006

On my living room wall

Looking tonight at our new family picture, I think it has really hit me, that this is MY family. After so many years of wanting just this, is seems so foreign to me that I am staring right at it on my living room wall. These little boys and my husband mean the world to me. They all make my life so complete. What was I before I was Don's wife? In another year, will I remember what it was like before I was a mom? I already have almost no recollection of the absolute heartache of going through infertility and even worse, feeling like no one could really understand the personal torment that it was. I do remember it was horrible, but the pain is almost totally gone. And then the overwhelming weight of knowing we were having triplets, where I couldn't even talk to my own husband, father of the very same babies about their soon to be lives. Yes,I was so excited about God finally blessing us with our own family, but the thought of how expensive cribs, bedding, clothing, diapers, formula...I was so overwhelmed. And then the thoughts of how could I possibly mother 3 children at once? Will they get enough love and attention from only one set of parents? Even when they were born, and I couldn't just love on them like I envisioned. I had to hold back on loving gestures because they were preemies and it was imperative that they got the quiet and stillness they needed to continue to develop while they spent over a month in the hospital. Finally we got to take them home, love them all we could. Crazy schedules, always feeding, bathing, diaper changes. Turned into us getting excited at the baby developments, watching them try to roll over, seeing that they were noticing each other, hearing the first actual coos and laughs. And now we are watching our babies learn to walk and watching them play chase with one another and tonight we were watching them kissing one another, these clumsy grabs of one another's head with a big open mouth just trying so hard to kiss their brothers. And I can finally let it all sink in that this is the life I have prayed for, and was finally blessed with. This is the family I so desperately would just plead with God to please give me a chance to have. This is the husband that as a teenager I just knew was out there for me, the one that was an absolute perfect match. And these are the children we had cried, prayed, and pleaded with God to give us, for 6 long years. And that is the picture -all five of us- 9 years in the making, hanging on my living room wall.

4 comments:

Wendi said...

Could you have at least put a "Kleenex Warning" at the top of this post...Man, I am crying like a baby over here!!!!

Perri said...

Beautiful post. I like the "professional" portraits, but the one of you all by the big rock - that is great! And just the candid shots with their daddy - your wall must be full indeed.

Always enjoy your boys like you do now - you realize how blessed you are.

Jen3 @ Amazing Trips said...

Yep - it's pretty awesome, isn't it? During the height of our infertility struggles I would say, at least 10 times a day "Why ME?!" And now ... I know. At first, I couldn't imagine my life with TRIPLETS. Now, I couldn't imagine my life without them. We have been richly blessed!

JenMom said...

OOOHHH, what a beautiful post. I have those pinch me I am dreaming moments frequently too. I have a dear friend dealing with infertility right now...and it is bizarre how hard it is for me to remember. I am not sure if God has allowed me to bloc it out, or if I am just so full of joy now that it has pushed all the pain out.