This week I have headed out to two different appointments. This meant that my mom stayed with the boys (and Reagan) at my house while I was out and about for what totalled 4 hours between the two days. I am absolutely amazed at the difference I feel just for having that bit of time off from "Mom duty". I know I get a break when they nap or are in bed, but to have time off from the regular stuff was just very liberating. Isn't that sad?
I have used that bit of time (while I was driving) to reflect on what my life is right now. Everything has gone so fast and the days are flying by. I haven't had time to process what is going on. I just do it. The same thing every day and keep my mind on cruise control (aka survival mode). One day it is xxx and the next it is xx and add a little of xx to it. I feel so detached, some nights waiting until the kids go to bed so I feel like I can breathe for five minutes with out being interrupted. I have noticed my patience is worn thin and I am not being the Mom I want to be. My head is so full of whining, screaming and fighting, I don't have the energy to be the wife I want to be. I keep thinking I can right the wrongs later.
So as of today, later is now. Now is the time to be the wife and Mom I want to be. I want to be the person who I always thought I was, but started drifting from when life got so hectic. I want to start having real conversations about life in general, not just what is for dinner. I want to contribute more to people around me, family and friends. So I will. Starting today, I will. My house may not be as clean as yesterday, but my heart will be lighter.