** It is late and my post is all over the place. But it is me right now, and I am keeping it real :)
Everyday when I glance at my bulletin board next to my monitor, the fortune is there -below a picture of the kids with some of their cousins, and on top of a congrats card from my gram when we had the boys. Different things have come and go on the bulletin board (mainly due to the boys taking things off or moving them around), but this fortune had stayed with us all these years.
The fortune was from way back in the day, after we were married but while we were struggling to start a family. The fortune says, "Your dearest wish will come true". What is most people's dearest wish? Well, happiness. Back then, happiness for us meant to have kids. And if something held a shred of hope for me to have those kids, whether it be church and hours of prayer a day, different combinations of vitamins and herbal supplements, my witch craft boss at the time (it was so hard to restrain from asking her for a "spell"), rubbing on a kokopelli key chain, or the little fortune out of a panda express cookie, I held on to that hope tight fisted with all my life. So the fortune made it's way out of Panda Express and into our home.
We wished to be parents and went what ever route we had to go to get to be parents. We tried all the things I mentioned above, but there was no positive sign on way too many pregnancy tests bought and prayed over. If this wasn't meant to be done through us, then we would try to parent through Foster Parenting classes. After months of classes, background tests, health tests and letters from our family and friends -almost a full year after we began the process- we were almost approved to foster children. We knew exactly what we wanted, too. We wanted a sibling group- we knew we could handle it since our house was empty and our hearts were ready. Our dearest wish was about to come true.
Two days after our home was approved for fostering children -our very last obstacle in being approved- we found out our second round of IVF was successful (3 times more successful than anticipated!). Our dearest wish was coming true. One way or another, we were being able to become parents.
Over the years our wish has changed. It has continues to be happiness, but happiness drawn from health, keeping our children safe, and for God to grant us wisdom and keep us out of harms way, day in and day out. It is more of a daily prayer than a wish. I know that no matter what the future may bring, that my dearest wish will come true as long as I look for it in the right place. As of today, that place is in our tiny house, on a tiny lot in an over populated city. It is with our wallets tighter than ever and all of us squeezed in our tiny car to go buy groceries at Walmart so we can save the most money possible by price matching ads. It is in the arms of my husband who day in and day out, I make a real noticeable effort to show him my appreciation of his hard work and happy attitude.
In this house we make our happiness. We don't take each other for granted, or expect others to make us happy. We don't use our past as an excuse to be unhappy, but appreciate our lives now more for the wisdom gained from our past. We struggle all the time with money and the kids, -and in the past year- our marriage as well. Our lives are not faultless or easy. I have a hard time believing anyone's life is easy. But I do believe that happiness in a home does make it look easy. And from that happiness, life does feel easier.
So tonight as I looked at the fortune on my bulletin board, I realized that anyone's dearest wish can come true. They just have to find their happiness in what they have instead of looking for it in everything they don't.