Today I had to make a stop at the Dr's office that helped us conceive the boys. It is a drive that I am sure I made over a hundred times within 6 months. Many of the trips were such thought ridden, emotional drives. All the wondering and wishing and hoping and praying that route has seen, with me driving back and forth in my little purple Amigo. I feel so disconnected to who I was then. All my thoughts are no longer consumed with if I will ever have a family of my own, or what will we do if Don and I can't have any children.
After I stopped at the Dr's office, I made a quick stop at the same Einstein Bagels I would go to some mornings after the Dr's. The day I had the first ultrasound, I stood in Einstein's little parking lot on the pay phone. First I had called Don at work, then called my mom -who was in New York- to let them know we were having an instant family and instead of one crib, we would need three.
But today all of that was so different. Don and I talked two times between my driving there and back home today. Both times we were chatting about our day and how the plan is to have my family over for dinner tonight. He asked about the kids and I tell him about our morning at Walmart and how the kids were happy to see Leigha there. Just normal conversation for us, about our children and family. These are the conversations that come with the dreams we had for our future. It is amazing to think how heartbroken I was and how afraid that this dream of my future would never come true. At that time, there was nothing worse than having a struggle in my heart about something I had no control over. I am SO BLESSED and thankful that I no longer have that struggle and pain.
Here is a short presentation I came across about a year ago, to help people have a bit more understanding of what that stuggle is like. Click here.